Let the Christmas shopping spree begin. Avoiding overindulgence and spoiling the kids without spoiling Christmas is a difficult task. After all, what does overindulgence do? Take the trickiest parent challenge of the season – give your kids the brightest magic Christmas without spoiling them.
Christmas is almost here, and we’re frantically trying to get our kids’ must-have toys ticked off their endless Christmas lists. Have you already tracked down a Baby Yoda, chased after Squeakee, or desperately searched every corner for a present? Ads have been bombarding our kids for weeks, and the frantic gift rush has started. We don’t want to see those little disappointed faces. Not at Christmas! Even though we perfectly realize that children don’t need all these gifts. After all, Christmas gifts have never been a matter of NEED.
And still, we have to admit it. We tend to foster our kids’ false expectations that they will indeed receive anything they may want for Christmas. Or perhaps not just for Christmas? Yet, we want our toddlers to be appreciative and understanding. And we want to see them grow into compassionate and responsible human beings. Is there a way out of this parent trap? Is it possible to create the most beautiful, brightest and warmest Christmas fairy tale for your kids without spoiling them with presents?
Christmas Shopping and the Season of Spoiling
I can still picture my kids – a girl and a boy – 4 and 2. They were in the middle of a pile of wrapping paper. Encircled by Barbies, a car garage, and a plush zoo. Perhaps I miss some of the lot. Ultimately, they just picked Rapunzel and the fire engine, forgetting the rest for hours. I think you know what I mean.
Being a parent is a demanding duty. You never know which of your words and deeds you’ll hear and see echoing in years. We try to surround our kids with love, security, and support and provide them with everything they need. And still, we know we shouldn’t spoil them. The balance is the trickiest part. What counts as spoiling, then?
Avoiding Spoiling the Kids at Christmas
I don’t like the word ‘spoiling’ simply because it reminds me of rotten tomatoes or bad apples. And the association is a pretty stable one. However, when we talk about kids, it is defined as too frequent parents’ responses to the kid’s signals and overindulgence, resulting in dependent, demanding, and self-centred personalities. I doubt parents aim to purposefully make their kids spoiled, ill-tempered, and unappreciative.
So, we’re likely to fear overindulgence and try not to develop a too-responsive attitude toward our toddlers. Yet, there are moments when we tend to be excessively lavish, and Christmas is one of them. It seems we’re trying to make up for all the moments when we couldn’t be there and give what we should have given to our kids. It seems we are trying to compensate for all those instances of ‘Just a second, sweetheart,’ with the second turning into an hour. And indeed, who can tell how much is too much?
What Do the Parents Say about Christmas Shopping?
Southern California dad Cory Goodwin, a businessman, writer, and programmer, says his five kids don’t write letters to Santa but list what they want and let their dad pass on their wishes to Santa. ‘I try to get them everything they want. I set a budget for each kid and stay in it,’ adds Cory. On Christmas morning, they open their presents, the whole family goes to the church, and the day ends with a nice dinner.
Tennessee mom Robbie Clark, a writer and a journalist, being the mother of five, three of her own, and two stepdaughters, can get hectic at Christmas with gift shopping. ‘I try to ease the rush by shopping early for the things they specifically ask for and getting them other gifts as I go. I am learning that it gets easier as they get older since the things they want to change,’ adds Robbie. ‘We try to get them what they want, but we all know that’s not always possible, so I also teach them there is more to Christmas and that it’s not all about the gifts.’
Sharing My Christmas Thoughts & Experience
I couldn’t agree more with them. As soon as I started having more ‘meaningful’ conversations with my kids, which was somewhere around five, I told them the truth about Santa. There was a year or two when they would still write letters to Santa, though they knew they wrote them to us. And we still arrange all the presents under the Christmas tree (an artificial one, of course – we don’t want to be part of deforestation).
Thinking about it now, I don’t know if it was the perfect thing to do – not letting them believe in the fairy-tale illusion of old man Santa, his sleigh, and the red-nosed Rudolf as long as they could. But I had my reasons.
First, I wanted them to know that Christmas is a holy day and Santa symbolizes the idea of care, love, and kindness. So, celebrating Christmas is much more than exchanging gifts. I also wished to let them learn that miracles do happen, but there is hard work behind them.
And finally, it was vital for me to show them that Christmas is the occasion to spend time with the family and share your love and appreciation. Well, it ended up with my daughter buying Christmas cards and planning on gifts for literally all her classmates (not sure they all received them, though). But what mattered was that my kids did get the message correctly.
Christmas Shopping is Definitely a Challenge
It’s a real challenge to find the balance between the urge to fulfil our kids’ Christmas wishes and avoid overindulgence, thus disappointing them. We don’t want to spoil them, and we don’t want to spoil their Christmas either. How can we strike the golden mean? Here are some tips that worked with me. Perhaps they will work with you, too, if you try them.
Avoid Piling up All the Gifts
It is a well-established fact that toys and play are part of our kids’ first experiences and much more than mere entertainment. Play is the way children interact with and learn about their environment. Toys and games benefit development and facilitate their physical, emotional, mental and social skills. It may come as a surprise, but research points to play-based learning to prepare for the later stages of academic education.
The number of toys, however, matters because while toys are beneficial for our kids’ development, their excess results in persistent distraction and poor quality of play. The study states that more than three toys shouldn’t surround toddlers at a time.
Besides, kids with too many presents tend to stop playing with them. They get preoccupied with unwrapping the gifts one after another without paying much attention to what’s inside. So, that’s when we know we have to do something about it.
It’s a good idea to stagger the gift-giving if your Santa has been too generous. Giving the kids up to three presents at a time during Christmas day will allow them to focus on each present and spend an hour playing with it. It will also keep the sense of surprise and make their happiness last.
Christmas Spirit: Shift the Focus From Getting to Giving
There’s another trick that will help you use the Christmas season to raise appreciative kids. A study suggests that spending money on others has a positive effect and makes us happier. So, it’s not a bad idea to show our kids that there’s much more happiness in giving than in taking.
Get them involved in preparing the gifts for the others. You could spend time hand-making Christmas cards or some easy-to-make DIY gifts with your kids. Or you could wrap and decorate the gifts you’ve bought together. Either activity is beneficial for developing their skills and imagination.
We should also remember that we are the examples for our kids; they learn by watching and listening to us. So, they should see us showing each other our appreciation, love, and gratitude. What else can we do to avoid centring around the gifts and gift-giving?
Think of other joyful activities, and don’t make the gift-giving the main focus of Christmas. You could see Christmas movies together, read or play board games, or visit relatives and friends. Making memories is precious; in years, your kids will discover that the memories created last longer than all the gifts received.
Get Kids Involved in Christmas Preparations
Involving the kids in Christmas preparations will allow them to participate actively in setting a bright and joyful atmosphere in the house. It will also stimulate their creativity and imagination. So, let your kids be part of the happy, joyful bustle of the Christmas decorations because they are one of our main reasons to dress up our home and make it festive and sparkly.
Let the kids participate in the Christmas tree decoration. Help them put up the topper and hang the glass Christmas tree balls, even if they broke your favourite ornamented one when you removed the box. They’ll be excited and filled with a sense of achievement and happiness.
What about cooking? It could be a bit risky, and still, there’s nothing like taking photos of your kids laughing, with their little noses white with flour and their fingers all chocolate. You will enjoy the sweetest moments of making these Christmas cookies.
With Christmas just around the corner, ticking off from our kids’ wish lists is getting in full swing. But let’s be realistic. The moments of love, laughter, and joy this holiday brings home will always stay in their memories and have formative importance.
Such moments will come back in years as bright flashbacks, reminding us of the kindness, warmth, and cosiness of everything we call family. So, take the season’s challenge and try spoiling your kids with happy, sparkly memories that will last.
